I know my name will always be linked with women.

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.