Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.