Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.