I know my name will always be linked with women.

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.