I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.