I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.