I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.

The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.