I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.