I don't think anybody can really sit down and decide that their mission in life is to make people think. I think their mission in life is to leave people alone!

When you see Charlie Chaplin, he stays funny. He doesn't become drama, and so what really seems to endure is comedy.

In episodic television you'll have a good guy who's on every week and that's his show! He's the regular on it, and you're not going to be "gooder" than he is; I mean, he's the guy who's got to solve your problem! So if you're playing a good guy, you have to have a problem, and he's going to solve it for you. And the only really strong dramatic part is the heavy, because the meaner and crueler and rottener you are, the better the good guy looks when he whips ya' at the end because he always is gonna whip ya! So, the best dramatic guest shot is the heavy.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Shirley! Don't call me Shirley!