Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.

I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

I've finally found my home - as Lt. Frank Drebin.

I have always loved science fiction. One of my favorite shows is 'Star Trek.' I like the trips, where it drops my mind off, because they give you a premise and all of a sudden, you say, 'Oh!' and I'm fascinated by it.