Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

I'm a professional actor. If I was a plumber, I wouldn't just do my plumbing in Beverly Hills bathrooms; I'd like to install air conditioning units and a few other things.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Sometimes integrity is a punch in the face.

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.