A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'

If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .

Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.

If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare.

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.

I hammer on a theme until I'm tired of it and the audience is tired of it.

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.