I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.

North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.

If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.

It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.

If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'

If somebody tries to tell me the earth was created in 7 days I take a fossil and say "FOSSIL". If he still won't shut up I throw it at him.

These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!