Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.

I have N'Sync and Aerosmith and Britney Spears. I have a trifecta from hell.

In New York, f*** isn't even a word. It's a comma.

I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"

My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't get passed on to my generation.

If somebody tries to tell me the earth was created in 7 days I take a fossil and say "FOSSIL". If he still won't shut up I throw it at him.

Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible.