I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth.

I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.

There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.

I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.

I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape.