I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.

There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.

Glenn Beck is offended! Glenn Beck thinks playing the Nazi card is going too far. Glenn Beck. this is a guy who uses more Swastika props and video of the Nuremberg rallies than the History Channel.

I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"

You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!

Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve.