Every other civilized country has determined when life begins and it's something that eludes us. We've got things that have to be done! "We didn't fix that bridge because you are all down at the meeting house discussing abortion again."

If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .

My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes

I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity.

You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win.