When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'

I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional?

It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff.

I have never thought of my entertainment as being able to bring about social change. I am seriously always looking for the laugh. What it did make me conscious of was having empathy for those without any power in this country. That has always stuck with me.

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." Well, then it's minus 3, asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!