These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary.

Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!

I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee.

Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder: 'Did I have a thought today?' You'll have to go to your 'Thought' app!

Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!'

Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation

How long can we go without real leadership? It's like an experiment. It's [a problem with] both parties, it's beyond belief.