Being a playwright is like the equivalent of doing a jigsaw puzzle that has 1,500 pieces, and it's a jigsaw of a blue sky. Not a cloud in sight.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.

I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.

I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"

I think you have to [vote] and the reason you have to go vote is an important one, and that is because the day you vote is the day that you will feel the most ineffectual you will feel all year.

Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.