I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.

Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.

Every other civilized country has determined when life begins and it's something that eludes us. We've got things that have to be done! "We didn't fix that bridge because you are all down at the meeting house discussing abortion again."

You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!

People would be a lot better off if they'd enjoy being single.

It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'

The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die.