I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.

Being a playwright is like the equivalent of doing a jigsaw puzzle that has 1,500 pieces, and it's a jigsaw of a blue sky. Not a cloud in sight.

Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.

Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!

Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?