Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York.

You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.

I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional?

There's a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don't think that's what Christ was talking about.

If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself.