It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.