If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.

Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"

I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.