You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.