You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.