Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.