If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.