If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

Spring time is the land awakening.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.