I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.

Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it's imposssible to keep up.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

There's nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, 'I didn't do it right'.