I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They'd eaten each other.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won't.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.