If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.

When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor."

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

If you can't be direct, why be?

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it's imposssible to keep up.

Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious.