You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.

I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine.

If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.

God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?