You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.

Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.

If you have something to say, here's what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out in the lobby, and then you go home and you kill yourself.

I'm not raising the children, I'm raising the grown ups that they're going to be.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school.

There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.'