You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.

My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.

Perception is created and twisted so quickly.

here's a huge amount of work that goes into placating a network in regular television. It's literally 70% or 80% of your workload, is showing them the material, getting their notes and presenting it to them and making sure they weigh in. It's a huge amount of work.

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.

I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know?

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'