Life is full of horrible mistakes.

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.

I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have, you can't get it out.

I was an awkward kid.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.

I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up.