I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you should have is somebody else. You only ever need half a burger.

Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood; it will give it to you.

Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis.

I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?'

I remember the day I saw my hair was thinning. I don't remember caring much. I don't care. It's just hair. It never bothered me much. I was pretty young, too. And it happened and is happening very slowly. I have a feeling dead people get really mad when we complain about losing hair.

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.

When people are getting richer and richer but they're not actually producing anything, it can't end well.