He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.

I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.

When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!' Christ what an image.

I am soooo excited, I am over-excited. I'm hysterical, I may have to slap my own face in a minute at this rate.

What if you were really meant to be with someone? But you kept messing about and having the Horn and so on and you lost them.

If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!

Looking out of the window at the infinite sky, I prayed out, 'Dear Baby Jesus, I am sorry for my sin, even though I do not know what they are, which seems a bit unfair if it is going to be held against me. But that is your way. And I am not questioning your wisdomosity. In future, however, would it be possible for my life to be not so entirely crap? Thank you.