I love New York. I love working here.

I think self-deprecation is such a disease, and I want to cure everybody of it and so that's my contribution.

I really (became) very independent. I was start(ed) to write one-woman shows and mak(e) films and to me I think I really felt like my choice (was) more important than any kind of career goal.

My former bullies pay extra to come backstage and meet me after shows, and I pretend not to know them in front of their friends. It is the most divine pleasure to exact the revenge of the brutalized child that resides within.

You don't become a Republican until you lose all your baby teeth and fall down a lot and get the croup and then become angry and bitter.

Most conservatives also believe in the death penalty, but not abortion, which proves they like to procrastinate.

I feel sorry for anyone that I am obsessed with. I am worse than gum in your hair, very, very close to the roots.