I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.

Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.

I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends.

My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time

If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite

Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice.

I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better.