The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

Being an Olympian is the ultimate test of one's sporting ability.

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

The thing that you're faulted on today is not that you are too tough, or not that you aren't careful. It's that you might have been too soft. People want that red meat now because you have to keep up with the mood and the mood today is harsh. It really is.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.