The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

Being an Olympian is the ultimate test of one's sporting ability.

If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.