If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.