Being an Olympian is the ultimate test of one's sporting ability.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.

If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.