The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.
Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.
I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.