You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce a politician, is because he'll be booed. I don't care if he's the most beloved person in the world, its part of the game.