Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.

I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.