Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.