People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!