If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.

Being an Olympian is the ultimate test of one's sporting ability.

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce a politician, is because he'll be booed. I don't care if he's the most beloved person in the world, its part of the game.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.