The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce a politician, is because he'll be booed. I don't care if he's the most beloved person in the world, its part of the game.

I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.