There is nothing but that frail breastwork of earth between the people and destruction.

When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy--that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.