A marriage...makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives to two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each to perform it; it gives to two questioning natures a reason for living, and something to live for; it will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.

Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them.

I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.

The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.