Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.

I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.