If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.

It's never what people do that makes us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.

I wouldn't expect someone who's been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.

Postpone result/solution thinking until later; it's through connection that solutions materialize - empathy before education.

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.

When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not on our own values.

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren't seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I'm suggesting, you'll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously.