Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

Empathizing with someone's 'no' protects us from taking it personally.

The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury, never to punish or to cause individuals to suffer, repent or change.

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace.

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.

If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this "watching the magic show". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my "fix-it" tendencies.

People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.