All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE (an opportunity to make life more wonderful).

To do this, you can bring in nothing from the past. So the more psychology you've studied, the harder it will be to empathize. The more you know the person, the harder it will be to empathize. Diagnoses and past experiences can instantly knock you off the board. This doesn't mean denying the past. Past experiences can stimulate what's alive in this moment. But are you present to what was alive then or what the person is feeling and needing in this moment?

A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say"?

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren't seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I'm suggesting, you'll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously.

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.

We recognize that real educational reform is essential if today's and tomorrow's children are to live in a more peaceful, just, and sustainable world.