By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves. We would stem this flow if we were to shift attention too quickly either to their request or to our own desire to express ourselves.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values

If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

My anger tells me firstly that there's a need of mine that's not getting met.

Make your goal to attend to your underlying needs and to aim for a resolution so satisfying that everyone involved has their needs met also.

When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.

The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.