I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention-to shine the light of consciousness-on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking.

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need.

Never connect yourself with the other person's pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person's feelings and needs.

If I'm using Nonviolent Communication I never, never, never hear what somebody thinks about me. Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. You'll enjoy life more. Hear the truth. The truth is that when somebody's telling you what's wrong with you, the truth is they have a need that isn't getting met. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear the analysis.

Our survival as a species depends on our ability to recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are in fact one and the same.

Classifying and judging people promotes violence.

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need.