I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.

We can never make anyone do anything against their will without enormous consequences.

People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.

Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.

If people just asked: "Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs?" the conflict would be easy to resolve.

Upset? Ask yourself what this person does that is a trigger for judging them?