Use the words "I feel because I" to remind us that what we feel it isn't because of what the other person did, but because of a choice I've made.

I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.

NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions.

Have you ever been surfing? Imagine you're on your surfboard now, waiting for the big one to come. Get ready to get carried with that energy. Now, here it comes. That's empathy. No words - just being with that energy. When I connect with what's alive in another person, I have feelings similar to when I'm surfing.

Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.