Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?

A need is life seeking expression within us.

If we want to make meetings productive, we need to keep track of those whose requests are on the table.

Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.

I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please".

However impressed we may be with NVC concepts, it is only through practice and application that our lives are transformed.