When we are depressed, our thinking blocks us from being aware of our needs, and then being able to take action to meet our needs.

Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?

Classifying and judging people promotes violence.

Translate all self-judgments into self-empathy.

Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!

When I recognize I've got anger, then I realize it's because I have a need that's not being met.

If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?